Figuring out what you want


I've being chatting to friends and clients and they're saying similar things about being overwhelmed with lots of things happening at the moment; changes in the new year, building houses, juggling different things, kids getting sick and lots of work pressures. With all these things happening it's easy to lose track of what you want. So how do you reconnect with what you want?

This reminded me of a story I’d heard about figuring out what we want in life. We started out as babies knowing exactly what we wanted. We knew when we were hungry and we’d scream the house down if we didn’t get it. We knew if we wanted to play with a toy, we’d simply snatch it off the other kid. We’d crawl and then walk and run towards the things we wanted without fear. We were clear about what we wanted.

So what happened? What changed?

Somewhere along the way, someone said...

Careful, don’t touch that!

Do what you’re told.

You don’t really want that.

Stop crying, grow up.

As you got older you heard...

You can’t have everything you want simply because you want it.

Work isn’t always fun.

Can’t you think of anybody but yourself!?!

Life’s hard

Living someone else’s dreams

After many years of listening to these types of comments we lost touch with the needs of our bodies and the desires of our hearts. We learnt how to figure out what other people wanted from us and tried to do that. We learnt how to act to get others approval. As a result, we ended up with a lot of things we didn’t want but pleased other people. We ended up becoming numb to our desires.

Get what you want

How do you get back to what you really want with no fear, shame, or inhibitions?

How do you reconnect with your real passion?

You start at the smallest level by honouring your preferences in every situation. Every little and big choice you have in life ask yourself “what do I want?”

Instead of saying “I don’t know” or “I don’t care” or “it doesn’t matter to me” when you’re confronted with a choice, ask yourself “if I did know, what would it be?” And “if I did care, what would I prefer?” And “if it did matter, what would I do?”

Not being clear about what you want and making other people’s needs and desires more important than your own is simply a habit. You can change it by practicing the opposite habit.

Action steps:

  1. Decide what you want in every situation in life

  2. If you're not sure ask yourself:

If I did know, what would it be? If I did care, what would I prefer? If it did matter, what would I do?

Something to think about...

"The indispensable first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: decide what you want."

- Ben Stein

Actor and author

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